Tag Archives: hateful animals

The End is Nigh (a post by Lee)

It has been well documented that I fear and detest octopuses, as any rational person ought to. I feel vindicated in this terror as now things have taken a turn for the worse: They’re coming for us

Why. They control the whole sea, must they snatch the land from us, as well? And how dare they invade under the security of darkness, these nocturnal hellbeasts. I reject this reality and the entirety of 2017.

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8 Reasons to Hate Octopuses (a post by Lee)

There are many reasons to hate octopuses. Here are only 8.

1. They are full of venom and hatred.

2. They have beaks. Their beaks are on the sides of their heads. They use these beaks that are on the sides of their heads to peck into enemies, inject them with venom, and then consume them.

3. The beak is the only hard part of an octopus’s body. This is how they’re able to squeeze through tiny cracks.

4. They can squeeze through tiny cracks.

5. They have suckers on their tentacles that can break through flesh.

6. They have four pairs of arms. I don’t trust anything with that many arms. (I also don’t trust animals with no arms; HOW DO SNAKES MOVE.) If they lose an arm, even if they deserved to, they can regrow it. I don’t trust anything that can regrow arms, especially not arms they don’t deserve to have.

7. After mating, the male will wander off to die, which is all well and good. However! Once the eggs hatch, the female octopus (which can lay up to 400,000 eggs, which means endless.octopuses.) will experience mass cellular suicide and die.

8. They are intelligent lifeforms that can do things like open jars using one of its many arms. I have no interest in intelligent, venomous animals that can fit into any opening, grow up to 30 feet in length, and crush me using its multiple pairs of arms. Also, having 3 hearts means they’re practically unstoppable.

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