Category Archives: life is weird

I Wore a Mosquito Costume to the Global Citizen Festival (a post by Anna)

One of my biggest disappointments involved both a mosquito costume and the NYC Marathon of 2012. My sister worked for the United Nation Foundation’s Nothing But Nets campaign to fight malaria, and they needed someone to run a section of the marathon in a mosquito costume. I was beyond excited to be their bug.

When the NYC Marathon of 2012 got canceled 36 hours before go-time because of Hurricane Sandy, it was for good reason. Even so, I’ve spent the last three years of my life thinking about the time I was so close to being a bug for a day. So, naturally, I freaked out when I was asked to be the mosquito for this year’s Global Citizen Festival in Central Park.

My job was to represent the Nothing But Nets campaign at the festival as their mascot Mozzie the Mosquito. Before becoming a mosquito, I memorized some key facts. Nothing But Nets is a global campaign that raises awareness and funding to fight malaria. Every 60 seconds a child dies from malaria. Nets only cost $10. Send a net – save a life. You can help!

Since Nothing But Nets is based in DC (shout-out to Lee Mimms), they had to bring the costume on the train to NYC for this event. The person who had the honor of carrying the massive mascot bag told me that more than four people on the commute asked her if she was carrying a dead body.

Thorax revealed!

Getting into this bad boy was no cake walk. But with the help of two fantastic UNF staff, I was transformed into the best bug you’ve ever seen.

Mozzie the Mosquito and Nothing But Nets Champions!

Over the course of the day, I was asked if I was a bedbug, a scorpion, and even Wolverine. I spent hours buzzing around and accidentally whacking people with my gigantic wings. I answered as many Nothing But Nets questions as I did questions about where to find the port-a-potties. I even made a baby cry! It was unreal.

With 60,000 people at the event in Central Park, there was no cell service and, therefore, no photo posting. Never have I wanted to post photos more! Luckily, I can always rely on Twitter/Instagram to document all my greatest life achievements.

I ended the day by seeing Steven Colbert, Hugh Jackman, Beyoncé, Pearl Jam, Coldplay, Ariana Grande, Ed Sheeran, Bono, Sting, Michelle Obama, Joe Biden, Malala Yousafzai, Leonardo DiCaprio, Connie Britton, Usher, and costume rival Big Bird.

I’ll leave you with this video that represents everything I stand for.

Long Live Eurovision (a post by Anna)

Eurovision 2015 was one for the books. Austria brought flaming pianos, Slovenia brought air violins, Georgia brought crow feathers, and I brought Static Guard.

En route to Eurovision!

Before I dive into my Eurovision 2015 experience, here’s an overview of this mind-blowing annual event for the newbs:

Eurovision is an international song competition that’s the most watched non-sports event in the world. Recently celebrating its 60th anniversary, it’s one of the longest-running annual television broadcasts. Think: American Idol meets the World Cup, where every country performs a song with more pageantry than you can possibly imagine. Songs must be original, the performance must be shorter than 3 minutes, and no more than 6 people are allowed on stage. Past years have included rapping astronauts from Montenegro, techno vampires from Romania, and my favorite twin brother Irish duo named Jedward. It’s all for ultimate European glory because the winner gets to host the next year’s competition. We can thank Eurovision for introducing us to artists like ABBA and Celine Dion.

Eurovision 2015 was held in Vienna, thanks to last year’s moving performance by Conchita Wurst, who hosted the green room this year. I got insider info from my Austrian friend Elaine, who told me Vienna turned into a Eurovision haven for the month, complete with a Eurovillage and Euroclub. All public transit announcement featured Conchita’s voice, and the crosswalk signs were modified to feature same-sex couples. They even attached speakers playing old Eurovision music to the gutters. All in the spirit of Eurovision!

Vienna's Eurovision traffic lights

Vienna’s crosswalk lights during Eurovision

The final competition aired on Saturday May 23 at 9pm in Vienna, so we Americans made a day of it. As I left my apartment, Gwen grabbed a camera for the equivalent of parental prom photos, only this time I was dressed in metallic, had crimped hair, and in my late 20s. 

First stop: MAC Cosmetics to get Eurovisioned! Erica had the foresight to sign us up for free makeovers MAC was doing, as promotion for a new line of eyeshadow. I misunderstood this to mean that MAC was doing Eurovision makeovers and shared this with everyone I know. It wasn’t until we arrived at the Lincoln Center location that I realized most of the MAC staff had never even heard of Eurovision. Despite their confusion about our early morning Euro glam, we all became fast friends.

Getting Eurovisioned at MAC.

Then we migrated to Hibernia in Hell’s Kitchen.  It was PACKED.

GOOD AFTERNOON NYC!

There were raffles. There were brackets. And there was non-stop cheering.

Things are getting real!

In the end, Serbia rocked it, Israel rapped it, and Belgium got its rhythm back. The UK’s light-up costumes reminded me of that time I went to the Holidazzle Holiday Parade in Minneapolis, and for a country of amazing talent, they once again let the rest of Europe down (or up, depending on how you think about it). Although Australia was denied future hosting rights, they took at stab at the crown this year for the first time ever; I was an insta-fan because I love Guy Sebastian’s Lupe Fiasco solos.

After each of the 27 performances were over, we watched all 40 countries announce their votes with building anticipation.

Mont

Montenegro! (Their votes were later disqualified for complicated reasons I can’t fit in this caption.)

I stared at my Eurovision app, feeling jealous that the US was left out.

The iPhone app forbade me from voting.

Eventually, the Eurovision executives got on the screen and announced they had done the maths.

Swedish singer Måns Zelmerlöw won the gold, which meant he got to sing “Heroes” again, with the exact same set-up and choreography as every other time he’d performed that song in 2015.

The balloon drop at Hibernia was easily as epic as the one going on in Vienna.

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Best balloon drop of my life.

Other awards and observations were noted by my friends:

Just when I thought the excitement had ended, the University of Melbourne announced that they’re adding a course on Eurovision this fall. The syllabus is amazing. The subject looks at Europe through the powerful prism of the Eurovision Song Contest, and it’s all I can do not to move to Melbourne right now. Until then, guess I’ll just listen to this Eurovision playlist on repeat. See ya in Sweden!

The Time I Sprained My Ankle at the Tonya Harding & Nancy Kerrigan 1994 Museum (a post by Anna)

This is the story of the time I sprained my ankle at the Tonya Harding & Nancy Kerrigan 1994 Museum:

It was the museum’s big opening night gala. I convinced my strangely-reluctant friends to join me and couldn’t have been more excited. 

SWAG BAG.

SWAG BAG.

The injury, which happened before the gala even began, is the boring part of the story. I took a tumble and flailed my arms in the air yelling “whyyyyy” with no sense of irony whatsoever. I really thought I’d broken a bone. But my heart was set on Tonya Harding & Nancy Kerrigan, so I found a seat and powered through.

In true Bushwick fashion, the gala started with glittered cupcakes, Tonya/Nancy trading cards, and PBR. The museum curators gave a presentation on how to know if you’re a Tonya or a Nancy, and then several performances began.

Are you a Nancy or a Tonya?

Are you a Nancy? Or a Tonya?

At first I thought synchronized mini-trampoline faux-skater dudes in leotards were my favorite part, but then a guy singing his own George Michael parody called “I’ve Gotta Have Skates” won the gold.

Synchronized trampolining.

Synchronized trampolining.

Though the entertainment successfully numbed my intense ankle pain, eventually the gala ended. My friends carried me out to the most expensive cab ride of my life. It was a night of firsts, so I don’t know why I’d expect anything less.

The next week, I went to a doctor who recommended x-Rays and a very sleek orthopedic boot.

Gotta boot.

Boot, from aerial view.

Doctor’s orders were to take it easy. I’m not a sitter, so the next month of my life was torture. I spent every waking hour being waited on by Gwen, seat-filling Broadway shows, and bonding with a bag of frozen quinoa. Things got so bad that I voluntarily accepted a free seat-filler ticket for the show Gigi.

My budding relationship with quinoa.

My BFF, quinoa.

I was helpless, so my mom offered to visit for Mother’s Day weekend. After flying to NYC, she cleaned my room, went grocery shopping, did my laundry, took out the trash, and cooked my lunch for the week, all while I RICE-ed my sprained ankle. It was the best Mother’s Day I’ve ever had!

Me, Mom, and Mothers Day Macaroons.

Me, Mom, and macaroons.

The minute my mom left town, my ankle injury was cured. What a miracle worker!

I guess the moral of this story is… tread carefully while you’re at the Tonya Harding & Nancy Kerrigan 1994 Museum; it’s all fun and games until you leave in a cast.

Par for the Glow Golf Course (a post by Anna)

One time I was reunited with my bestie Cary on the same day I completely lost my voice. It was torture to not be able to talk his head off all day, but I found a remedy: Glow Golf.

gg

YESSSSS

Now you may be asking yourself: what exactly is Glow Golf? It’s glow-in-the-dark putt-putt inside an arcade on the 2nd floor of a Greensboro mall, situated next to a Ruby Tuesday. Naturally.

GLOW GOLF!!!

Check out that St. Louis Steamer!

First, we had to figure out the complicated token/gumball/golf ball machine. You must use a one dollar bill to get a token, which is needed to get a golf ball, which is needed to get a putter from the 16 year-old staff standing idly next to you. This is the only way to play Glow Golf.

Glow Golf Balls

Straight out of the 80s.

Finally, having conquered the token machine, we moved on to the real deal. Glow Golf, we came to learn, did not have a particularly clear theme; the golf course mixed dinosaurs, windmills, and the Lincoln Memorial.

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Swing, batter batter.

The creators of Glow Golf couldn’t dig out holes on the 2nd floor of a mall, so they built the course on top of the floor. Each hole was designed with the impossible challenge of being surrounded by a little hump. It was also extremely dark, except for the few black lights on the ceiling. As you can imagine, I was great at glow golfing!

Id rather be glow golfing.

In heaven.

Between my voicelessness and the giant dinosaur, the experience was speechless in more ways than one.

IT’S FRENCH FRY TIME!!!!! (a post by Anna)

 

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Monkeys Riding Dogs (a post by Anna)

When I lived in Texas, I learned that monkeys riding dogs was a thing. There’s a guy who refers to himself as “Wild Thang” and trains costumed monkeys to ride around on dogs. During my three years in Texas, I attended rodeos, barn dances, and hootenannies, hoping to catch a glimpse of said monkey/dog duo. I never fulfilled that dream.

This is real life.

The Dream

Flash forward to when my pal Patrick invited me to see the NY Giants. It was my first professional football game, and my knowledge of the sport extends no further than Tim Riggins and various terms I picked up from my young adult book club’s fantasy league.

The day started at Penn Station. We met up with our Belgian friends Reggie and Victoria, who’d bought Giants t-shirts and read up on American football on Wikipedia. We had a lively discussion about European soccer on the way to the game.

giants_rail

The stadium was mayhem, but we entered through the VIP entrance and headed to our private suite, which belonged to a charter jet company.

VIP

The staff in our suite asked us what we’d like to drink and mentioned that if they didn’t have what we want, they’d run out and get it. I ate three plates of buffalo chicken mac and cheese and a dozen chicken fingers.

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I learned that Giants fans are intense. To our rear sat an over-served woman who provided constant commentary. If not for her, I probably would’ve had no idea what was going on. We cheered in sync with the crowd.

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I was sitting there, taking it all in, when lo and behold — halftime arrived. And then I got blitzkrieged with… MONKEYS RIDING DOGS. It was unreal.

Wild Thang and his monkeys and dogs

Wild Thang & Team Ghost Riders

I’ll end this story with this:

monkey gif

The Night I Got Carried Away (a post by Anna)

I hadn’t really planned on going to the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade balloon inflation event, but once I left work and realized it was 36 degrees and rainy, I couldn’t resist.

Upon arrival, they gave out free Dole Fruit Squish’ems: the perfect rainy winter night treat!
I can't turn down anything called a "Squish'em"

Lee once ate one of these at Starbucks for breakfast, only to realize it was actually baby food.

It took roughly two minutes of balloon viewing for me to start asking strangers to take my picture:

How It All Began

The Photo That Inspired a Montage

Face to the ground

The Porta Potties really make this shot.

The woman who took this photo suggested my pose.

The woman who took this photo suggested I pose on the railing.

I had an older French man take this photo. I don't think he was impressed.

I asked an older French man to take my Spiderman photo, and he couldn’t have been less excited.

The photographer cut off the dinosaur topiary that was supposed to the the focal point of this photo.

The photographer cut off the dinosaur topiary’s head, which was supposed to be the focal point of this photo.

Don't make faces - they might get stuck that way.

Remember that time I got my face stuck?

The fun

Photo credits go to lady with the best Southern accent!

Hello Kitty

It was a blessing that no one decided to steal my iphone throughout this montage.

Kool-Aid Man

A Vanna White Photo

My hands went numb after 30 minutes, so I decided to call it a night. Happy Thanksgiving, y’all!