Y’all, praise be. I think I have finally uncovered my very last extant journal. I wrote in this particular notebook rather sporadically, detailing my last year of middle school until just past my first semester of high school. It is, as one can easily imagine, horrifying. Enjoy, dear readership.
At the pool hall today, I met 2 interesting 7 year-olds: Matt and Neil. They threatened to kill me in five different ways (they take karate). Matt looked like the actor Shawn Ashmore, who has never threatened to harm me in any way.
SOMETHING I BET YOU DIDN’T KNOW ABOUT ME IS THAT I LOVE ICE CREAM SUNDAES.
In lunch today, Walter sat at our table, with his Nutrageous bar. I don’t know anyone who loves Nutrageous like W does. He’s nutrageous. I think I’m getting taller. http://www.pubertystrikes.com, I guess!
Okay, so I haven’t written in a super-long time. So much has happened! A few months ago, for example, I got my period. It was intimidating.
[All of my favorite lyrics from Blink-182’s recently released album are written out. Turns out I had a lot of favorite lyrics. This actually takes up the majority of the notebook and all of the i’s and j’s in the lyrical selections from “First Date” are dotted with hearts. Some of the hearts have arrows through them. I am burning these pages later today, and we are never to discuss them again.]
The other night, I babysat T. His bedtime story is THE ENTIRE PERIODIC TABLE OF ELEMENTS. If he doesn’t grow up to be a scientist, he at least better make it on to Jeopardy. Oh, today I thought about starting a band made entirely of identical twins and calling it “Double Vision.”
Deep Thoughts: If I had money, I’d spend it on getting rid of coal and oil factories. Solar power is the future! And I wish that everyone, you know, loved everyone.
[The worst poem ever written in the history of mankind is on this page. I can’t bring myself to type it in its entirety, but it includes the choice couplet “It takes a while for a heart to mend / But that’s exactly what it does in the end.” Oh, 13 year-old Lee and her complex feelings.]
I got picked on today by a sophomore. Oh, well! It’s like they say: Like sand through the hourglass, so are the days of our lives. I’m not sure that makes sense there, but neither did [bully’s name redacted]’s insult. LOL. (LOL means laughing out loud.)
And that’s all she wrote, folks! Or, at least, enough of what she wrote. She was a total weirdo.