It seems to be my lot in life that I am surrounded by saboteurs. I never considered, however, that my own self would turn against me.
Sure enough, that is precisely what happened to me.
Over the past year or two, one of my teeth – named Dudley, after “dud tooth” – managed to stain himself. I experienced this treason profoundly for two reasons:
1. Dudley was one of my front teeth (my maxillarly lateral incisor, if you must know).
2. Dudley’s discoloration was not apparent in person; oh, no, much worse than that – he only appeared in photographs. Beautiful memories ruined!
Just look at this devastation (click on photos to enlarge the muddled Duddles):
When my brother Philippe came to visit, Dudley crashed the family reunion!
A few months later, Dudley presented his ugly self during my birthday celebration.
At Halloween, Dudley reared his ugly head and proved more frightening than any costume I saw that night.
After an extended period of shame and self-consciousness, it was time to remove Duddles. My tainted tooth was to be replaced by a crown. This necessitated a two-week period in which I had a temporary tooth attached to a shaved-down nub of real tooth. Not to be easily defeated, Dudley succeeded in, for his final time, ruining my aesthetic. After biting into a piece of broccoli during a family dinner, my faux-tooth popped right out and exposed my little nubbin tooth (I later accidentally swallowed the fake tooth). Never to be outdone, Dudley’s last stand sullied my 2010 Christmas photo.
Oh, well. You’ve got to give it to ol’ Dudley. He really tried. In the end, however, my dentist and I proved victorious.