So, August 12th was Anna Marie’s 23rd birthday. This was also the first day we were in my house in Davidson. As my New Roommate, Alex/Alexandra/A McA, was at work making bank, Mar and I decided to celebrate her birthday in true style.
Ergo, we cleaned.
And when I say “we,” I clearly mean “she.” Because this is how it happened.
Mar: So, you’ve cleaned a toilet before.
Lee: Yeah. But, the thing is, I don’t really know if I’m doing it right.
Mar: I’ll show you how, and then you can figure it out from there.
So I made Mar clean my toilet. On her birthday. And I took pictures and generally made a mess.
After she was done cleaning the toilet, she asked me to throw out some paper towels. I took this opportunity to knock the entire trash can over.
Later that night, I decided to continue my hateful approach towards Mar’s birthday by beating her at (and thus securing my first victory in) our favorite board game, Settlers of Catan. A McA joined in the fun by pointing and laughing at her, as Mar wept.
I later tried to make it up to her by presenting her with a lovely gift, which pleased her and made her forget about my prior unkindness regarding toilet-cleansing and defeat suffered by my hands. I present to you: Willard Christopher Smith, Jr.
I thought I’d gotten off scot-free, having learned my saboteur ways from Mar, but boy did she have a retaliation planned when we arrived in Tennessee.
Our conversation went something like this:
Mar: What say you we go fishing?
Lee: Oh, gee whiz, Anna Marie, that sounds like a dandy time! Boy, are you a great friend or what!
Mar: Great! I’ll lead you through some woods and dangerous flora, and we’ll get our casting on!
I was clearly unsuspecting of her unkind motives in any way, as evidenced herein:
First, she made me wade through some rapids, all the while wielding crickets who sang their death rattles. Then she made me attach worms to a hook.
I woke up the next morning with a severe allergic reaction on my face, which has since manifested itself all over my body. I’m now taking steroid pills and applying steroid creams trice daily, in a desperate attempt to not look like a leper on my first day of school. I guess the lesson I learned is not to mess with the birthday girl.