Sabotage, or; How I Learned to Love the Atomic Bomb (a post by Lee)

So, August 12th was Anna Marie’s 23rd birthday. This was also the first day we were in my house in Davidson. As my New Roommate, Alex/Alexandra/A McA, was at work making bank, Mar and I decided to celebrate her birthday in true style.

Ergo, we cleaned.

And when I say “we,” I clearly mean “she.” Because this is how it happened.

Mar: So, you’ve cleaned a toilet before.
Lee: Yeah. But, the thing is, I don’t really know if I’m doing it right.
Mar: I’ll show you how, and then you can figure it out from there.

So I made Mar clean my toilet. On her birthday. And I took pictures and generally made a mess.

Missed a spot...

Missed a spot...

After she was done cleaning the toilet, she asked me to throw out some paper towels. I took this opportunity to knock the entire trash can over.

Gracefully, Graceful Lee.

Gracefully, Graceful Lee.

Later that night, I decided to continue my hateful approach towards Mar’s birthday by beating her at (and thus securing my first victory in) our favorite board game, Settlers of Catan. A McA joined in the fun by pointing and laughing at her, as Mar wept.

Victory is MINE!

Victory is MINE!

I later tried to make it up to her by presenting her with a lovely gift, which pleased her and made her forget about my prior unkindness regarding toilet-cleansing and defeat suffered by my hands. I present to you: Willard Christopher Smith, Jr.

Just the two of them.

Just the two of them.

I thought I’d gotten off scot-free, having learned my saboteur ways from Mar, but boy did she have a retaliation planned when we arrived in Tennessee.

Our conversation went something like this:
Mar: What say you we go fishing?
Lee: Oh, gee whiz, Anna Marie, that sounds like a dandy time! Boy, are you a great friend or what!
Mar: Great! I’ll lead you through some woods and dangerous flora, and we’ll get our casting on!

I was clearly unsuspecting of her unkind motives in any way, as evidenced herein:

Happiness is.

Happiness is.

First, she made me wade through some rapids, all the while wielding crickets who sang their death rattles. Then she made me attach worms to a hook.

Unhappiness is.

Unhappiness is.

I woke up the next morning with a severe allergic reaction on my face, which has since manifested itself all over my body. I’m now taking steroid pills and applying steroid creams trice daily, in a desperate attempt to not look like a leper on my first day of school. I guess the lesson I learned is not to mess with the birthday girl.

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5 responses to “Sabotage, or; How I Learned to Love the Atomic Bomb (a post by Lee)

  1. I thought you knew her by now Lee! You don’t mess with Mar!! Loved the fishing photos!

  2. SWEET BEAUTIFUL JESUS, where did you find that portrait of Sir William!?!@!

  3. The Captain James West portrait is sooo ridiculously money. WOW.

  4. i love you girls. end of story.

  5. An inconsistency within this plot has been spotted. The idea of fishing was inspired PURELY by Lee Mimms. I take no credit for the source of the rash, but I do sympathize like none other.

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