Today, Anna Marie reported for a one-day stint near the White House. Because I wasn’t up to much, I headed over there to have lunch with her. We found a cute little park near her office, and settled down to enjoy some homemade sandwiches.
Apparently we were not the only ones eager to eat our lunch, however; within minutes, a rather curious squirrel approached us. It became, in fact, uncomfortably close to us.
[The squirrel is about 3 feet from Mar at this point.]
Anna Marie: I’m getting nervous about this squirrel. Don’t they have rabies?
Lee: Oh, it’s fine. It won’t get close.
[The squirrel scampers over to my side of the table, standing a daunting 2.5 feet away from me.]
Lee: Mar. Mar! I’m getting ag[ita].
Anna Marie: I know! That’s what happened to me!
[The squirrel jumps up onto one of the benches and hops immediately off, while we scream.]
Lee: I’m gonna cry! I’m gonna cry!
[The squirrel is now on a tree branch, peering dangerously over my shoulder.]
Anna Marie: Let’s move!
At this point, we wrap all our food up, and run as fast as we can away from the squirrel. An available table nearby presented itself to us, and we cautiously set up camp there, our eyes darting back and forth between our food and our rodent nemesis.
Anna Marie: Don’t make eye contact with it. It’ll think we like it.
Lee: I’m scared.
The squirrel was standing on top of our first table, scouring for any crumbs we may have left behind. We sat stiffly, trying to make conversation compelling enough that we’d be distracted from our terror.
Then it came for us.
Squealing and on the brink of tears, we scampered all the way across the fountain, to the other side of the park. Safe – or so we thought. After ten minutes of pleasantries, another squirrel approached. This time, he also brought multiple bird friends, who flew about us and pecked near the ground.
Lee: We’re Cinderella!
Anna Marie: Is every squirrel here like this?!
Horror-stricken, we kept our eye on the squirrel as it circled closer and closer to us. After two failed attempts at appeasing it with bread morsels, we chucked three slices of banana at it.
Anna Marie & Lee: Stay away!
The thing is, when it stood there eating the banana, it was actually kinda cute. We admired for a moment, then traipsed away.
We’ve been a little psychologically scarred, as evidenced by the fact that we now tense up and cling to each other every time we pass a squirrel on the sidewalk. But maybe with some therapy and the support of our loved ones, we will be able to move on.