Scoped out Time today, and saw this article.
LET’S APPLY FOR CITIZENSHIP!
I mean, there are some obvious problems (the leader will resign if he’s given a position of power in the Czech Republic; taxes are optional which means no one will pay because altruism ain’t gonna get you that far, honey; with no standing army, there will be less men and women in uniforms, and Lord knows I love folks in uniforms), but Life Is Negotiable.
Behold, Dear Readers, the True Power of The Internet!
This conversation occurred just now between Anna Marie and me:
Anna: since youre new to normcore, i heard this writer read this last week at an event
me: not NEW to normcore
Anna: prove it
The gauntlet had been thrown. I checked my email history for the word “normcore.”
Thursday, March 12, 2015 9:59 PM
DR: I want to be norm core.
what is norm core?
DR: look it up!
I have known about normcore for exactly two weeks, which in Internet terms means that I have known about normcore forever. Once again, by harnessing The Power of The Internet, I have humbled Anna Marie.
I don’t really like cats. I don’t hate them or anything, but I have a distinct childhood memory of a friend’s slumber party where her cat pounced on my head all night and forced me to nearly suffocate under a deep layer of pillows. But one thing that has brought me back to the cat world is The Amazing Acro-Cats.
That’s why I totally freaked out when I was perusing the Circus Cats website a month ago and noticed their tour in Orlando overlapped with my family vacation to the national trucking conference. What are the odds?!?
I shared this thrilling news with Rachel and asked the concierge to book us a town car to the Circus Cats. A man named Aklilu was waiting for us in a black executive Sedan, and he drove us to The Venue, a house-turned-burlesque-performance-space in the middle of an Orlando neighborhood. Aklilu was a little confused about why this was our destination, and he didn’t seem to notice the Circus Cats RV when we pulled up.
Once inside, we approached a bar with “Caturday Meowmosas Specials” and a table of cat merchandise.
Then we headed to the performance space. I chatted up the couple sitting next to me and learned they were on a surprise date, and the lady had been incorrectly guessing the destination all week long. The pre-show music included the Purina Meow Meow jingle, Harry Chapin’s “Cat’s in the Cradle,” and “Jellicle Cats” (Lee, remember that time I talked you into this?!).
Then… the show began. And it was as amazing as you could possibly imagine. The owner/trainer Samantha explained that she rescues cats, has 19 living in her home, and showed everyone how to “clicker train” your cats. They made a lot of anti-dog jokes, which I chose to ignore.
Cats jumped through hoops!
Cats walked the tightrope on a disco ball!
Tuna lit up the APPLAUSE sign.
Cluck Norris competed in a bowling tournament again Tuna.
The show ended with a performance by the Rock Cats band.
The Rock Cats!
By the time the show ended, I really felt like I was a part of the Orlando cat community. Rachel and I said our goodbyes and walked outside where a Lincoln town car (not Aklilu) was patiently waiting to take us back to the jungle hotel.
In the words of Davidson College, #CATSAREWILD.
Lines, crowds, and commitment are a few of my favorite things. And they all converged for the annual Oscars movie marathon!
I can’t even pretend like this wasn’t my second year of madness. Sammie Sweetheart came in from Boston again just to sit in a movie theater for 24 hours, and I somehow gathered 11 friends for a day of non-stop movies. We met at the Times Square AMC with 400 others and scrambled to find a row to call our home for the day.
The order of the films is clutch when you’re watching eight in a row. They decided to order them by length this year, which would’ve been fantastic if I had seen any film other than Boyhood in advance. There was no rest for the weary. Watching every film in a sold-out theater was especially fun during fake baby scenes in American Sniper.
My first year I showed up with merely a granola bar and a tiny blanket, while the pros around me had bags of Trader Joe’s snacks and pillows. Lesson learned! So, this year I brought a bunch of food I didn’t eat!
Also, the Times Square theater has a vertical layout, where you go up at least eight escalators to get to the theaters. The whole day was an escalator party!
During breaks, they hosted movie trivia like you’ve never seen it before. The questions all required naming the Best Picture Winner in specific year. And somehow, film buffs knew every answer. They had to call a tie between the two finalists because they only had 87 years to choose from. Who are these people!?
Many people stayed the whole night for their own pride, others for the free “I Survived!” t-shirt. My greatest accomplishment was this selfie of only my forehead.
Even though the awards ceremony proved to be the most boring awards show of all time, at least now I can say I’ve endured a marathon.
Announcement! If you’re looking for something weird to do in NYC or just want to know what’s going on, I’m about to open up the floodgate of my favorite events around the big city. Presenting…
AM / PM: a new monthly NYC events newsletter created by yours truly.
The first edition comes out today with details on the 24-hr Oscars marathon, LL Cool J hangouts, and Dolly Parton parties. Sign up here: http://tinyletter.com/ampm
The dazzling new AM / PM newsletter!
One time I was reunited with my bestie Cary on the same day I completely lost my voice. It was torture to not be able to talk his head off all day, but I found a remedy: Glow Golf.
Now you may be asking yourself: what exactly is Glow Golf? It’s glow-in-the-dark putt-putt inside an arcade on the 2nd floor of a Greensboro mall, situated next to a Ruby Tuesday. Naturally.
Check out that St. Louis Steamer!
First, we had to figure out the complicated token/gumball/golf ball machine. You must use a one dollar bill to get a token, which is needed to get a golf ball, which is needed to get a putter from the 16 year-old staff standing idly next to you. This is the only way to play Glow Golf.
Straight out of the 80s.
Finally, having conquered the token machine, we moved on to the real deal. Glow Golf, we came to learn, did not have a particularly clear theme; the golf course mixed dinosaurs, windmills, and the Lincoln Memorial.
Swing, batter batter.
The creators of Glow Golf couldn’t dig out holes on the 2nd floor of a mall, so they built the course on top of the floor. Each hole was designed with the impossible challenge of being surrounded by a little hump. It was also extremely dark, except for the few black lights on the ceiling. As you can imagine, I was great at glow golfing!
Between my voicelessness and the giant dinosaur, the experience was speechless in more ways than one.